Woman starts fierce debate asking if she should attend ex's funeral

Woman who’s been BANNED from her ex-husband’s funeral by his second wife divides opinion – as some claim she’s ‘entitled to mourn’ and support her adult children but others insist it’s ‘not about her’

  • British mother took to Mumsnet for advice after being banned from a funeral
  • Her husband left her for another woman 40 years previously and has now died
  • Her ex-husband’s widow barred her despite her wanting to go for her children
  • Commenters were torn on whether it was appropriate or disrespectful to go

A woman who’s been banned from attending her ex husband’s funeral by his second wife, has divided opinion online after asking if she should still attend. 

The anonymous British woman took to Mumsnet to explain that her husband had left her to marry another woman forty years ago, and had second famly with her.

But her children from their marriage want their mother there to support them, and she’s addmitted to shedding tears over her ex who was once ‘the love of her life’. 

‘I would like to say goodbye to him if I’m honest. Even if it’s been a long time I just feel that I have every right to,’ she explained. 

Commenters were torn over what she should do, with some saying she had a right to grieve and others advising she should respect his widow’s wishes, saying the day is ‘not about her’. 

A woman took to Mumsnet to ask what to do after being banned from her ex-husband’s funeral by his wife (stock image)

She explained that the children the two shared has asked her to go to the funeral to support them

In the post she explained: ‘ My first husband, my children’s father passed away and his funeral is tomorrow.

‘We had a happy marriage but he left me for another woman.

‘Fast forward 40 years he had a whole new family with the other woman (his wife) and my children have asked me to go support them at the funeral. 

‘I did shed quite a few tears when I heard the news as he was the love of my life at one point.

Some commenters thought that it would be disrespectful to his more recent wife if she attended against her wishes

‘I’ve recently heard well tonight that apparently his wife has banned me immediately from attending once hearing that I will be coming. Am I being unreasonable?’

She added that she’s not had direct contact with his second wife for more than 40 years, but said they’d never had a falling out as such. 

‘In fact she treated my children quite badly but because he didn’t and he paid for them and supported them, I let it go,’ the woman explained. 

Some commenters immediately came to her defence and suggested it was unnecessarily harsh that she should not be allowed to go.

One person said: ‘She can’t ban you. Go to support your children. It’ll be hard enough for them that his second family will be there.’

Another person agreed, saying: ‘Why she can’t attend the service discreetly is beyond me. Why any of the children should not have their remaining parent with them is also beyond me.’

Some commenters thought it was outrageous that she had been banned in the first place, and urged her to go and mourn him and support their children

A third person wrote: ‘The wife doesn’t own him and doesn’t have the monopoly on grief. You were married and he is the father of your children. You have every right to go to the funeral and his wife can’t just wipe out his past.’

Others, however, felt it would be rude to go against his widow’s wishes and implied that she has no right to be there in the first place.

One person said: ‘Your children are middle aged adults, they do not need your support at the funeral. His wife does not want you at his funeral and you should respect that. This isn’t about you.’

Another agreed, saying: ‘Your children are adults yes? Then they can support each other. It’s not on to turn up when the widow has requested you don’t.’

While a third piped up with: ‘Yes you are being unreasonable. If a family has told you they don’t want you there, then you don’t go. This is a hard time for them and unwanted presence will be the last thing they want.

‘Your children will be able to support themselves and will have the support of that family also.’

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