We're having threesomes with our lodger…but I'm not sure who's using who

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN we took in my girlfriend’s pal I thought we were being kind, but now we’ve started having regular threesomes and I’m not sure who is using who.

I’m 36 and my girlfriend is 31. Her friend is 29. She came to stay with us after she discovered her husband had been having an affair.

She has no family here as she is from Italy and we couldn’t leave her on the streets so took her in.

Initially, I wasn’t too keen as her constant presence put a major dampener on our sex life, but agreed to give her time to find somewhere more permanent to live.

Then as the weeks went by I started to see what a huge flirt she was — with both of us.

She would regularly leave her bedroom door open as she undressed and happily lounged about most of the weekend in her skimpy nightwear.

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One Saturday she did an extra shift at work, so my girlfriend and I made the most of it by snuggling up on the sofa with a film.

We were kissing and cuddling when the friend walked straight in, early. My girlfriend and I were embarrassed but her friend asked if she could join in.

I was unsure but my girlfriend looked at me, asking, “Shall we try it?”, so we went for it.

Watching my girlfriend with her friend and then having sex with both of them was incredible. And I was amazed at how sexy the whole experience was.

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We had a lot of fun and although we agreed not to do it again, we haven’t been able to resist and have had several “rematches”. We both have had sex with her separately too.

But now I’m worried one of us is going to fall in love with her.

My partner suggested her friend shares our bed and now they are even talking about her moving in permanently.

I can’t help but wonder who is taking advantage, her or us.

DEIDRE SAYS: You hit the nail on the head when you admitted you worry that one of you will fall for her. Involving others in your sex life always brings risk. It is too easy for it to go horribly wrong, and you already sound threatened.

You may have got off on seeing and hearing your girlfriend with another woman, but suppose she decides she’d rather have sex with her friend than you permanently. It happens.

Tell your girlfriend you care for her too much to share her with her friend. You took her friend in temporarily but perhaps the time has come for her to look for alternative accommodation and Shelter can offer some guidance (shelter.org.uk, 0808 800 4444).

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