Why you are REALLY being ‘ghosted’: The seven common mistakes you’re making that cause your dates to disappear and stop messaging you
- A dating expert has shared how to avoid being ‘ghosted’ after a first date
- Samantha Jayne said to avoid talking about kids, an ex or the coronavirus
- She also suggested to chat with a purpose and focus on building a connection
An Australian relationship expert and dating coach has revealed the top mistakes people make on a date that lead to being ‘ghosted’ and never messaged again.
Sharing the advice on her website, Samantha Jayne listed seven reasons why thi happens, including talking about kids, an ex or the coronavirus after meeting someone for the first time.
‘If [being ghosted] has ever happened to you, it can leave you feeling anxious about the next person disappearing and could leave you developing a set of unresourceful beliefs,’ Ms Jayne said online.
‘If you’re finding yourself constantly being ghosted there is something that is happening in your communication that is losing your dates, the good thing is with a little knowledge you can transform your results.’
She also recommends not asking too many questions and focusing on whether there is a connection between yourself and your date.
Australian relationship expert and dating coach Samantha Jayne (pictured) has revealed the top mistakes people make on a date that leads to being ‘ghosted’ and never messaged again
‘If [being ghosted] has ever happened to you, it can leave you feeling anxious about the next person disappearing and could leave you developing a set of unresourceful beliefs,’ Ms Jayne said online
Mistake 1: Talking about kids too early
Regardless if you do or don’t want kids, Ms Jayne doesn’t recommend discussing this topic on a first date as it’s often an ‘attraction killer’.
She said talking about kids is ‘all about timing’ and it’s important to discover whether there is an emotional connection between yourself and your date.
‘The reality is you might be asking someone who you would never even consider once you get to know them. So use the time to get to know them before [doing so],’ she said.
Mistake 2: Talking about an ex
While it’s tempting to ask why someone is single, Ms Jayne recommends avoiding asking about a date’s previous partners and why the relationship ended.
‘The problem with bringing up an ex is you have no idea if things are amicable, toxic or feel awful,’ she said.
‘That’s the last thing you want to do on your date or in the early days when you’re chatting to someone is to associate an awful feeling and memories with you.’
She said during the first few dates, focus on pleasantries rather than the ‘ex-factor’.
While it’s tempting to ask why someone is single, Ms Jayne recommends avoiding asking about a date’s previous partners and why the relationship ended
WHAT NOT TO SAY ON A FIRST DATE
Avoid talking about kids too early and get to know someone first
Avoid talking about your ex or your date’s ex and why their last relationship ended
Avoid asking if they’re ready for a relationship or why their last relationship ended
Don’t talk about COVID-19 and unemployment as this can be a sensitive topic
Avoid asking too many questions
Avoid talking without purpose as this can generate a boring conversation
Source: Samantha Jayne
Mistake 3: Asking if they’re ready for a relationship
While getting to know someone, take note of their actions such as how they spend their free time, how they act around other people and whether they’re a ‘party person’ or more of a homebody.
These actions are often a clear indication of their lifestyle and whether they’re ready for a relationship without having to ask the question.
And while you’re getting to know them, Ms Jayne said it’s important to remember whether you’re ready for a relationship too and whether this person is right for you.
Mistake 4: Talking about COVID-19 and unemployment
‘When you first get to know someone, it’s okay to touch upon the coronavirus, but don’t stay stuck on the subject,’ Ms Jayne said.
She said to avoid talking about redundancies, unemployment and general ‘doom and gloom’ as it’s a sensitive topic to discuss on a first date.
As an alternative, talk about topics that feel good and have a positive impact on the conversation.
‘When you first get to know someone, it’s ok to talk touch upon the coronavirus, but don’t stay stuck on the subject,’ Ms Jayne said
Mistake 5: Asking too many questions
While it’s important to ask questions to get to know someone, ask each question one at a time to avoid bombarding the other person with multiple queries – which is often done through messages.
‘Treat the message or your face to face date naturally: ask, listen to the response, acknowledge the answer, share and then ask another question,’ Ms Jayne said.
Mistake 6: Chatting without a purpose
Ms Jayne said talking to someone with a purpose is the easiest way to build a connection and get to know them better – and can ensure ghosting doesn’t happen.
This can be done by asking interesting questions that show the other person’s ‘highest value’ and what they’re interested in or passionate about.
Chatting with purpose will also make the conversations more interesting rather than boring.
‘If you’ve been messaging someone and it feels like forever, then it’s time to suggest a face to face meeting – sometimes the recipient is too nervous to ask, so put it out there,’ she said.
Ms Jayne said talking to someone with a purpose is the easiest way to build a connection and get to know them better
Mistake 7: Not focusing on connection
In order to avoid being ghosted, it’s important to make a good first impression and focus on what feels good to talk about – such as your dreams and positive topics.
‘When a person feels good around you, they will want to see more of you,’ she said.
‘Whatever you do, don’t get attached too early. It creates too much pressure and makes the person feel trapped.’
If all seven mistakes are avoided and if the date goes well, it’s unlikely for the other person to ghost you.
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