Rude and disruptive stepdaughter wants to see her mum but she is banned

DEAR DEIDRE: MY stepdaughter is so difficult to deal with.

She is 12 and has a lot of behavioural issues.


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Her biological mother has been banned from having contact with her because she treated her so badly when she was tiny.

I am 40 and met my husband, 43, four years ago and we have a two-year-old son together.

I’ve tried so hard to help. I take her to lots of appointments and have set up counselling for her.

But when my husband isn’t around she is rude and disruptive. She behaves like I am dirt on her shoe.

Recently her mum has started messaging my husband asking to spend time with her.

I don’t think it’s a good idea as she is already so mixed up but he tells me it isn’t any of my business.

How can I help when my feelings aren’t taken into consideration at all?

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DEIDRE SAYS: Your stepdaughter has been through so much, so will find it hard to trust anyone.

Her biological mum shouldn’t be allowed to simply walk back into her life and your stepdaughter’s needs must come first.

Gently remind your husband that if your blended family is going to work, you need to be able to make decisions together.

You will find support at familylives.org.uk (helpline 0808 800 2222).

I’m also sending my support pack on Stepfamily problems, which has useful information.

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