My two best friends did not come to my big birthday meal this year

DEAR DEIDRE: MY two best friends did not come to my big birthday meal this year. I feel hurt that they did not make any effort to celebrate with me.

I am a guy of 30 and it was my birthday in August. I didn’t plan anything big but the week before asked a few people for a meal and to hang out in a bar.


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My best mates gave me reasons they couldn’t make it, which I accepted, but it’s not the first time they have had lame excuses.

Birthdays have been a lonely time for me for years. I hear about other people’s birthday celebrations and feel like a loser.

I am starting to ask myself why I should bother with birthdays in future. I feel bitter, angry and resentful. 

DEIDRE SAYS: First, think why having friends celebrate your birthday is so crucial for you. Does this hark back to feeling your birthday was ignored when you were a child?

Did you feel generally sidelined in your family?

If there is a pool of pain around the issue, get counselling help (see bacp.co.uk). Also, give mates more warning of your plans – six weeks rather than a few days.

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