DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE been having sex with a friend of my cousin’s – without realising he’d been sleeping with her too.
I’m a guy of 21 and my cousin lives in Holland. He’s 25. We spent a lot of time together as teenagers.
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Recently we started getting into the festival scene. He would come and stay with me and my family and I’d visit Holland once a year. We’d always time the trips to coincide with festivals.
He came over earlier this year with a friend he’d met at uni. She is 23 and gorgeous. We hit it off straight away.
My cousin said they were just friends and he wouldn’t mind if I got together with her.
After a couple of days at mine, the three of us went to the Boardmasters festival in Cornwall.
It was brilliant. We were joined at the hip and she ended up in my tent every night.
She returned to Holland three days later and I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
It seemed she felt the same. We ended up spending hours every night on FaceTime.
I flew out to see her a month later and stayed with her family, who were all so welcoming.
We spent every day together for two weeks and I really felt like I was falling in love, so I asked her to be my girlfriend.
Then, when I met my cousin again, I told him that she had agreed to date me and he smirked.
When I asked him what was funny he said: “She had sex with me — at your house — the night before she did it with you.”
I went back to her parent’s home and confronted her, asking if it was true and she said: “Oh babe, I was so tipsy, it didn’t mean anything. Is that a problem?”
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I’m devastated. I feel like I’ve lost her — or perhaps I never had her in the first place.
I’m worried she doesn’t feel anywhere near as seriously about me as I do about her.
DEIDRE SAYS: She may have had sex with him but this was before you were dating officially.
The timing and proximity will no doubt be making you question your judgment but the important thing to remember is she wasn’t unfaithful to you.
Rather than dwell on the past, it is far better to focus on your relationship to see if you can make this work.
The distance between you will not help but give it a few months – and then review the situation to see if you still feel you have a future.
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