I'm secretly hooking up with a colleague while my vulnerable boyfriend is shielding

DEAR DEIDRE: BECAUSE my boyfriend is shielding he can’t satisfy me – but I’m a woman who has sexual needs.

So, I’ve been having secret sex play at work with a colleague.


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I’m 38 and my boyfriend of three years is 52. He has a chronic health condition, which makes him very vulnerable to Covid-19.

As we don’t live together, and I’m an essential worker for a high street shop, I’ve barely seen him during the past year.

Even when we did meet briefly in the summer we had to be socially distanced in his garden, so couldn’t touch or kiss.

I’ve missed sex and cuddles so much but I know I have to stay away to protect him.

By January I was lonely and very sexually frustrated and my eyes began to wander.

A colleague, ten years younger than me, started flirting and I flirted back.

After a few weeks, he suggested sneaking around the back of the store after work for a bit of privacy.

I couldn’t resist him. And, after nine months of enforced celibacy, being with a man again was just incredible.

Since then, we’ve been hooking up whenever we can.

He doesn’t want anything serious so it’s purely physical with no strings, which is perfect for me.

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There hasn’t been any full sex but we have had lots of foreplay.

I love my boyfriend with all my heart and I know what I’m doing with my colleague is wrong.

But it isn’t an affair, it’s just a way of fulfilling my sexual desires.

Should I tell my boyfriend the truth?

This would never have happened if it weren’t for the pandemic.

DEIDRE SAYS: For you, and so many, the pandemic has meant separation from loved ones and a lack of physical contact.

You miss intimacy with your boyfriend and have tried to find a way to replace it by taking a lover.

But while your lover is meeting your sexual needs, your relationship with him is also causing you emotional angst.

What would you gain by telling your boyfriend?

Yes, you might ease your conscience but you’d just be putting your guilt on to him and making him unhappy.

Don’t forget he’s been lonely too, and he might not be willing to understand, forgive or forget.

If you love your boyfriend and see yourself with him long term then it’s time to stop this flirtation.

With vaccinations happening – he’s presumably had his first one by now – you will soon be able to be together and resume your sex life.

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