After drinking I booty call my married ex lover and he always comes over for wild sex

DEAR DEIDRE: I’M having amazing sex with my ex, who is now married with a young child.

I wish I could stop — but every time I block him and avoid him, I get lonely, have a drink and dial his number. And like clockwork, he arrives at my flat late at night for wild sex.


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He never hangs around and once we’ve had sex he goes home to his wife and child, leaving me feeling low and used.

I’m 28 and he’s 31. We met at work six years ago but after 18 months he broke it off because he couldn’t see us going anywhere.

I was devastated, as I’d secretly hoped we’d one day get married.

But then, a year and a half ago, he messaged me out of the blue. We were both struggling to cope in lockdown and I knew he was drunk when he’d texted asking how I was.

I was pretty tipsy too and as I live on my own, I enjoyed the distraction.

He’d turn up at mine half-cut. To begin with, the sex was better than when we were a couple.

We did it everywhere and I was a lot more adventurous. I know what I’m doing is wrong and I regularly block him, determined to get him out of my life.

But then I have a drink, unblock him and he comes around to my place again.

He came around last night and we didn’t even have a drink before he took me to my bed.

The sex was satisfying but minutes afterwards he got dressed to leave. I tried to hug him, asking him to stay, but he refused.

The last thing he said was: “Don’t block me.” I heard nothing from him the next day, so I blocked him again.

I am determined to stay away but I’m scared I’ll contact him again after a drink. It’s like an addiction.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You know in your heart your lover has no intention of leaving his wife – not while he can have the best of both worlds. My support pack Your Lover Not Free will help you.

Go cold-turkey and have no contact with him. If you make the effort, you can meet someone who is right for you.

Take up some new interests, meet as many new people as possible and keep yourself busy.

You deserve to be with someone who values you and won’t keep you in a guilty little corner of his life.

Generally speaking, the occasional tipsy text or drunken dial isn’t a big deal. But if you find yourself binge-drinking and sending texts regularly, it is a sign you need to cut back on your drinking.

Speak to Drinkline (0300 123 1110) for an opinion and advice.

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