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I’m a 25-year-old woman who hadn’t played video games since the Tony Hawk Pro Skater days of my youth — until recently. I played Fortnite once, and now it’s literally all I think about. Here are some items I absolutely need now that this game is my life’s singular passion:
1.A Nintendo Switch, because I can’t *only* play The Beautiful Game when I’m at my friend Jim’s house in Detroit once every few months. Gotta make an investment if I’m gonna pwn noobs every single day.
Get it from Amazon for $299 (available in two colors).
2.Some socks that perfectly demonstrate my love of both a game I barely know how to play as well as my incredible communication skills.
Get a three-pack from Amazon for $12.99.
3.A T-shirt I plan on buying seven of, so I can wear it every day of the week. I have Fortnite Fever and the only cure is more Fortnite.
Get it from Amazon for $13.95 (available in children’s sizes S–L and adult sizes S–3XL).
4.A battle bus lamp that will bring me sweet dreams of falling through the air to a stormy island where I will fight for my life. *Rachel thanked the bus driver.*
Get it from Amazon for $25.99.
5.A throw pillow so all those who enter my abode know: this is my gaming sanctuary now.
Get it from Hot Topic for $18.83 (originally $26.90).
6.Fortnite Monopoly that will probably teach me more about the characters than the actual video game tbh.
Just like in traditional Monopoly, two to seven players battle each other to claim locations, but in this version, you aim to earn health point chips to dominate the game instead of money. Familiar locales such as “Tilted Towers” and “Dusty Divot” are of course up for grabs!
Get it from Amazon for $14.99 (originally $19.99).
7.A book about how to draw Fortnite characters so I can spend my workdays shirking off responsibility in favor of doodling and daydreaming about getting home to my new Switch.
Get it from Amazon for $8.77.
8.And a Fortnite coloring book for when I remember I am terrible at drawing.
Get it from Amazon for $6.63.
9.A piñata plush to hug and squeeze until rare loot explodes from within (in my imagination, of course).
Get it from Amazon for $8.49.
10.A chug jug water bottle so I’m never low on health, no matter how many times a robot hits me with a pickaxe.
Get it from Amazon for $14.99.
11.Or chug jug bottle labels so I can turn any and all bottles into life-giving resources. I need this green juice, cold brew, and pomegranate juice — they heal me.
Get a 16-pack from Amazon for $7.49.
12.A Fortnite bedding set, because it is with deep regret that I tell you I currently sleep in a twin bed, so might as well lean in I guess.
The set comes with the twin-full comforter, a fitted sheet, a flat sheet, two pillowcases, and two shams.
Get it from Amazon for $79.99.
13.A pop socket so my life’s mission and passion is well-represented in every mirror selfie I take.
Get it from Amazon for $14.99.
14.A pair of socks for taking any normal, grown-up outfit and giving it a quarter-life-crisis twist.
Get them from Amazon for $14.87.
15.A Cuddle Team Leader Funko Pop! that I’m sure I would recognize if I had played the game more than one life-changing time.
Get it from Amazon for $5.15 (originally $10.99).
16.The Big Book of Fortnite — a hardcover textbook that will allow me to study up on the best techniques and strategies for taking the island by ~storm~. You know, like a cool person would.
Chapters include “The Complete Weapons Guide” and “The Advanced Building Guide,” so yeah, you can call me Professor Fortnite.
Get it from Barnes & Noble for $19.95.
17.A sticker set so I can deck out every smooth surface around me with sweet, sweet reminders of my Favorite Thing In The World.
Get a 20-pack from Amazon for $9.99.
18.A Fortnite journal for jotting down my progress and recording all of my hopes and dreams. “Dear diary, I hope one day I win Fortnite so I can dab with the vigor of a true winner.”
Get it from Hot Topic for $11.89 (originally $16.99).
19.A building set so I can practice my building skills irl before bringing them back to the game. As of now I am…painfully bad. Will report back after some test runs.
Get it from Amazon for $24.99+ (available in two styles).
20.A personalized airbrushed flossing sweatshirt, because I literally cannot imagine not involving my new favorite pastime into my fashion choices.
This is a handmade Amazon item and may take one or two days to create and ship.
Get it from Amazon for $34.99.
21.A pair of leggings so I can pretend to play Fortnite in the real world. Don’t worry, for me that means standing in a bush pretending it’s a good disguise.
Get it from ThisSweatyLife on Etsy for $47.95 (available in sizes XS–XL).
22.A print that I fully expect to be ceremoniously presented with once I finally win, so in…five-ish years.
Get it from CherryCreekLaneCo on Etsy for $9.95+ (available in five sizes).
23.A dart blaster so I can practice my aim on empty La Croix cans on the other side of my room. Maybe one day I won’t panic any time another player gets close to me, accidentally releasing seven balloons instead of taking aim.
Get it from Amazon for $16.69.
24.And a themed box to keep all of my priceless Fortnite merch safe and sound. The best part of the game is quietly collecting things anyway — this is my extremely exciting, fun, and correct take.
Get it from Amazon for $11.99.
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