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Olympian Sam Quek has opened up about the shame and guilt she felt after suffering a devastating secret miscarriage in January earlier this year.
The 32-year old is currently expecting a baby girl in February 2021 with husband Tom Mairs and revealed the joyous news exclusively to OK!
To read Sam's full emotional interview and see the shoot of her stunning baby bump, click here For the full shoot and interview, clickhere.
And as they prepare to become a first time family, Sam and Tom say they finally feel ready to open up about their painful loss.
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Sam explains: "I didn’t want to speak to anyone [after the miscarriage]. I had guilt and shame that it was my fault. I was looking back at everything I did during that pregnancy and replaying every single minute. I put it all on me and my body. But I never said that to Tom at the time."
She adds: "I just remember being really quiet.I’d become miserable. You could call it depression. I usually love listening to music in the car and I just didn’t want to listen to it. But I would go into work and turn on a persona. Then I’d come back home and be sad again."
Sam – who starred on I'm a Celebrity in 2016 – found out she was expecting at five weeks pregnant but sadly miscarried at the ten week mark.
Recalling the heartbreaking ordeal, Sam says: "We went through five more weeks. I was getting used to my body changing, and the realisation of what was happening.
"Then, at 10 weeks, I started to feel really sick. I didn’t think anything of it, but that night I started to get really bad pains. I went to the toilet at around 9pm and had some spotting. I went again at around 11pm, looked at the tissue, and there was blood. It was my worst nightmare. I didn’t know what to do. At that point, Tom rang the triage. They told us to go to A&E."
The couple were told they had to wait until the following morning for a scan to give them a definite answer. "They said, 'You were pregnant, but you aren’t now, I’m so sorry.'" Tom recalls. "I’ll remember it forever."
Despite their grief, the couple reveal that the first lockdown motivated them to start trying to conceive again.
"Boris Johnson put us into lockdown," Tom says. "Both our schedules were suddenly clear, so we were like, 'Right!'"
While going through a pregnancy during a pandemic hasn't been easy, the couple are now looking ahead to the birth of their daughter in February next year.
The couple already have a lot of options for names picked out, with Tom joking: "There are 6,000 names. I liked 108, Sam liked 24 and we had 12 matches."
Sam adds: "I chose Thomasina and Beyoncé as a joke. We got down to a final six and now we’re down to our final two."
And in regards to the birth, Sam already has a plan. "I’ve thought about it and I know I want to do hypnobirthing, but everyone says that more often than not, it doesn’t go to plan."
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