Colin Hanks will not defend his dad’s overuse of Vegemite

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Et tu, Brutus? Tom Hanks was pushed under the bus, with both hands, by his oldest child, Colin Hanks, on Sunday, The Ides of March. What started out as a pleasant enough morning, Tom attempted to reassure the world that he was being looked after during his COVID-19 isolation and that we should all do the same for each other with the following post:

— Tom Hanks (@tomhanks) March 15, 2020

With one photo, concerns for Tom’s health shifted to his heavy-handed Vegemite use. The response was swift, and brutal:

— Kirsty Webeck 🏳️‍🌈 (@KirstyWebeck) March 15, 2020

— Neil McMahon (@NeilMcMahon) March 15, 2020

— 🙋🏻‍♀‍Ella F. Diaz🇵🇷 (@factspusher) March 15, 2020

It went on and on. Even Gordon Ramsay left a get-well comment but added, “missing a little butter on that Vegemite.” All of a sudden, America’s Dad had besmirched our Vegemite spreading credibility. And just when we thought we lost our Australian allies, Colin stepped in to plunge the final knife in his father’s back:

— Colin Hanks (@ColinHanks) March 16, 2020

Whereas I could not be happier for this moment of levity during a world crisis, I, too, am an ignorant American when it comes to proper Vegemite application. My sum total experience with the salty spread is the lyric in Men At Work’s Down Under. So I would have slathered it on and lost my standing as well. But, as often happens in these situations, we learn so much from someone else’s crime. Thanks to this handy-dandy How To Eat Vegemite chart, I will never make the mistake Tom did:

— Julie (@J0Marshll) March 15, 2020

I guess the only thing left to do is wait for Chet Haze’s shirtless response to the tragic Tom/Colin feud.

Photo credit: Getty Images, WENN/Avalon and Twitter

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